Milestones and Moments

Dearest Little Men,

My intention to write you updates weekly has become tri-monthly in practice... But we are having lots of fun together.  Dad is on what he promises to be his final business trip of the year and Gram & Gramp are helping me juggle mommyhood & summer classes.

 Jack has been walking for nearly a month, and when he takes a swift jaunt (typically in a figure eight pattern around the play circle), he still looks up for applause.  Alex has mastered pointing at all things fun and interesting, from birds bopping through the backyard to a blank TV screen (I think you're implying, "Mommy, turn it on!") and took his own first steps last weekend.  These recent events have made it abundantly clear that I’m severely slacking in my maternal duties by failing to chronicle your achievements of baby milestones (Bad mommy!) So below is my meager attempt:

• Jack--you cracked your first smile on the changing table in late November.  It was good timing, as your dad was on another business trip and it was that lovely period of newborn-hood where I was up every three hours to feed you monkeys.  That smile kept me from running barefoot and screaming through the Erie snow in Gram & Grampy's backyard.  Alex, I taped your first big smile (geared at a flashing toy bear above your playmat) on Dec. 6. I sent it to your Dad at work and it made him want to come home immediately!  Instead he settled for playing it for all of his co-workers.
• Jack--you rolled over early-ish. Back to front at just about 4 months. You were fixated on completing the task for weeks beforehand, and your tiny body let out a Smurf-like war cry, and suddenly you were on your tummy! I'm glad you did it  in the living room for multiple adults to see, for you became complacent after achieving the feat and didn't do it again for weeks! 
•  Alex & Jack--I think you both were rolling champs by 5 months
•   Jack--the last weekend in April, you sat up on your own. I know this because it was the FIRST night I spent away from you, you stinker! Alex, you followed a few days later.
• Alex --you mastered crawling on May 3. (Bless Youtube for chronicling the date of the achievement!)
•     Jack--8 months and 3 weeks, you walked! Again, thank you for waiting until Mom got home from her SECOND night away from you ever.
• Alex--9 1/2 months you started smiling and pointing, AND pointed at Craig and said "Dad-dee-dee-dee"!  Jack, you sometimes say "Mum!"when you are particularly frustrated with me (I won't pick you up, am late with a bottle etc.) but I'm not sure whether to count this as language!
•   Both of you blow raspberries, Alex more expertly, and Jack will be prompted to babble when any adult says "Nom, nom, nom," much like the man-eating plants of the 80s Super Mario Brothers games.  
•   Alex—the beginning of your tenth month you walked! You picked it up quickly and are already taking 5-6 reckless steps at a time.
• Today you both babbled back to Daddy on Skype

For a while I was obsessed with your milestones, frantic if you didn't make them when the "mom websites" predicted or a friend or colleague's baby mastered them at an earlier age. On the other hand, I admit to feeling pride at Alex's early crawling and Jack's early walking, but have since realized, all in all, who cares? You're both on track--why is all of this so pivotal? You'll receive enough outside pressures to reach academic, career, and personal milestones for the rest of your life; does it really need to start now? Your healthy and lovely and per our bubbly pediatrician says your progress is "perfect." What else could I ask for?

Sadly, there's way too pop prescription as to what a HEALTHY infanthood should be, when each benchmark should take place, where you should eat what when and with whom, how much you should "cry it out" (I hate this term!), be held, coddled and amused or left to your own devices, what a "good mother" or "good father" is...  it's melted my brain a bit... I need to shake the mommy-message-board-monsters out of my I-Phone.

But the problem is not simply my compulsive Googling-addiction.  These opinions follow parents everywhere. For example, Alex stopped nursing at 6 months, Jack at around 7 ½, and I stopped pumping when you hit about 9 ½.  Depending on the friend/acquaintance/colleague/student who became privy to this information, I either received enthusiastic praise for "making it so far with twins" (as if it was through sheer maternal will & painful, physical sacrifice that I produced milk as long as I did) or “How could stop short of the year?” (as if I’d ignored your cries of starvation and compromised your future health so I could spend more hours on the couch watching Days of Our Lives).  By the way, I've never seen Days of Our Lives; you grandmother smartly would never stand for her children watching soap operas.

My unsolicited advice, for you two (when you are adults and parents) or for any other parents/future parents who might read this, to stop judging each other or worrying about those who do.  Just because your parenting style, nursing style, pregnancy style (be it you irreverently drank fully-caffeinated coffee during spin class or swaddled yourself in organic egg crate for 9 months) works for you, it doesn't mandate it for those around you.  This is easier said than done, and I'm sure I will be guilty of sharing unwanted parenting/pregnancy advice in the future, but recognizing the issue is half the battle won, right?

Ultimately, I think Aunt Andi said it best: if you are the kind of parent who keeps asking yourself “Am I doing it right? Am I being the best parent I can be?” chances are you are already a pretty damn good Mommy/Daddy and should tune out any negative voices (including the internal ones) suggesting otherwise!

LESSON #4: Try not to judge.  Be it in parenting, or some other facet of life.  And don’t be too caught up on when you (or others) hit milestones or mark certain achievements.  The world continues to open up and expand each generation—so take your time and savor the moments in between life’s major landmarks.