When Little Men Turn One

My Dear Little Men,

This post was due at least four weeks ago, but Mom finally found a quiet moment. I’m currently in the air, flying from Denver to Philadelphia, on my way back home from a Victorian Studies conference in Pasadena.  Aside from a twinge of bitterness at the $8 I just paid for dial-up-quality WiFi, all I can think about is getting home to the two of you.  I've been gone for five days and may have to arm wrestle your dad for the right to wake you up and snuggle you when I get home! The idea of only seeing you briefly in the morning then having to head out to my 8 am class sounds unbearable.

Something this conference has shown me is as that as much as I love Victorian Studies, I’m so happy with the career path I've chosen: one that allows me to pursue those interests if/when time allows, but more importantly, lets me teach wonderful students, and most importantly, be home at 2 pm to spend my days with my beautiful boys.

Watching you turn one last month was bittersweet.  Kyle and Jacqueline, Ga (your great grandma), Gram, Gramp, the Grants, Aunty, Andi, Kristy, Lisa and of course Nada were all in attendance. Gram made a monkey cake that would make the most avid Pinterest fan weep! Thanks to her and Aunt Jacqueline, streamers, balloons, and monkeys adorned the sunroom.  Wegman’s catering covered the dining room table and all of your guests spurned our no gifts policy and spoiled you rotten!

While watching you dig through your pieces of monkey cake, it really hit me: you’re no longer my babies! The 6 and 4 &½ pound bundles I brought home from the hospital are now toddlers bordering on kids. You walk, you run, you throw, you laugh, and pull and push each other off your favorite truck from Uncle David.  You know many people by name and photograph (Mom, Dad, Grampy, Gram, Aunty aka Nada, Aunt Jacqueline, Uncle Kyle aka Uncle Nom-nom, Adam, Blue of course, Lonee, Andi, and Kristy & Chris) and at 12 months, you both said “Mama,” “Daddy,” and “Blue.”  Jack often says “uh-oh” (sometimes simply mimicking us, but more often, implying “Look, I dropped that; time to get it for me!) and Alex says “bu-bu” for bubble and waves and says “Buh-bye” regularly, though we are rather certain you think "bye-bye" this means “door.”

You point, use the sign for “more,” sometimes simultaneously, and I maintain that Alex’s utterance “Mama bu-buh” was “Mom, I want the bubbles” which therefore qualifies as your first sentence! We've been through first year vaccines, the transition into all 12-24 month sized clothes, and were recently informed by the doctor it's time to get rid of your bottles.  I'm putting this off until this weekend... you can be my babies a few days longer... You’re wonderful, you’re perfect, and I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have two of you!

Milestones and Moments

Dearest Little Men,

My intention to write you updates weekly has become tri-monthly in practice... But we are having lots of fun together.  Dad is on what he promises to be his final business trip of the year and Gram & Gramp are helping me juggle mommyhood & summer classes.

 Jack has been walking for nearly a month, and when he takes a swift jaunt (typically in a figure eight pattern around the play circle), he still looks up for applause.  Alex has mastered pointing at all things fun and interesting, from birds bopping through the backyard to a blank TV screen (I think you're implying, "Mommy, turn it on!") and took his own first steps last weekend.  These recent events have made it abundantly clear that I’m severely slacking in my maternal duties by failing to chronicle your achievements of baby milestones (Bad mommy!) So below is my meager attempt:

• Jack--you cracked your first smile on the changing table in late November.  It was good timing, as your dad was on another business trip and it was that lovely period of newborn-hood where I was up every three hours to feed you monkeys.  That smile kept me from running barefoot and screaming through the Erie snow in Gram & Grampy's backyard.  Alex, I taped your first big smile (geared at a flashing toy bear above your playmat) on Dec. 6. I sent it to your Dad at work and it made him want to come home immediately!  Instead he settled for playing it for all of his co-workers.
• Jack--you rolled over early-ish. Back to front at just about 4 months. You were fixated on completing the task for weeks beforehand, and your tiny body let out a Smurf-like war cry, and suddenly you were on your tummy! I'm glad you did it  in the living room for multiple adults to see, for you became complacent after achieving the feat and didn't do it again for weeks! 
•  Alex & Jack--I think you both were rolling champs by 5 months
•   Jack--the last weekend in April, you sat up on your own. I know this because it was the FIRST night I spent away from you, you stinker! Alex, you followed a few days later.
• Alex --you mastered crawling on May 3. (Bless Youtube for chronicling the date of the achievement!)
•     Jack--8 months and 3 weeks, you walked! Again, thank you for waiting until Mom got home from her SECOND night away from you ever.
• Alex--9 1/2 months you started smiling and pointing, AND pointed at Craig and said "Dad-dee-dee-dee"!  Jack, you sometimes say "Mum!"when you are particularly frustrated with me (I won't pick you up, am late with a bottle etc.) but I'm not sure whether to count this as language!
•   Both of you blow raspberries, Alex more expertly, and Jack will be prompted to babble when any adult says "Nom, nom, nom," much like the man-eating plants of the 80s Super Mario Brothers games.  
•   Alex—the beginning of your tenth month you walked! You picked it up quickly and are already taking 5-6 reckless steps at a time.
• Today you both babbled back to Daddy on Skype

For a while I was obsessed with your milestones, frantic if you didn't make them when the "mom websites" predicted or a friend or colleague's baby mastered them at an earlier age. On the other hand, I admit to feeling pride at Alex's early crawling and Jack's early walking, but have since realized, all in all, who cares? You're both on track--why is all of this so pivotal? You'll receive enough outside pressures to reach academic, career, and personal milestones for the rest of your life; does it really need to start now? Your healthy and lovely and per our bubbly pediatrician says your progress is "perfect." What else could I ask for?

Sadly, there's way too pop prescription as to what a HEALTHY infanthood should be, when each benchmark should take place, where you should eat what when and with whom, how much you should "cry it out" (I hate this term!), be held, coddled and amused or left to your own devices, what a "good mother" or "good father" is...  it's melted my brain a bit... I need to shake the mommy-message-board-monsters out of my I-Phone.

But the problem is not simply my compulsive Googling-addiction.  These opinions follow parents everywhere. For example, Alex stopped nursing at 6 months, Jack at around 7 ½, and I stopped pumping when you hit about 9 ½.  Depending on the friend/acquaintance/colleague/student who became privy to this information, I either received enthusiastic praise for "making it so far with twins" (as if it was through sheer maternal will & painful, physical sacrifice that I produced milk as long as I did) or “How could stop short of the year?” (as if I’d ignored your cries of starvation and compromised your future health so I could spend more hours on the couch watching Days of Our Lives).  By the way, I've never seen Days of Our Lives; you grandmother smartly would never stand for her children watching soap operas.

My unsolicited advice, for you two (when you are adults and parents) or for any other parents/future parents who might read this, to stop judging each other or worrying about those who do.  Just because your parenting style, nursing style, pregnancy style (be it you irreverently drank fully-caffeinated coffee during spin class or swaddled yourself in organic egg crate for 9 months) works for you, it doesn't mandate it for those around you.  This is easier said than done, and I'm sure I will be guilty of sharing unwanted parenting/pregnancy advice in the future, but recognizing the issue is half the battle won, right?

Ultimately, I think Aunt Andi said it best: if you are the kind of parent who keeps asking yourself “Am I doing it right? Am I being the best parent I can be?” chances are you are already a pretty damn good Mommy/Daddy and should tune out any negative voices (including the internal ones) suggesting otherwise!

LESSON #4: Try not to judge.  Be it in parenting, or some other facet of life.  And don’t be too caught up on when you (or others) hit milestones or mark certain achievements.  The world continues to open up and expand each generation—so take your time and savor the moments in between life’s major landmarks.  

Your first lake visit

Dearest Little Men,

We are back from our adventure in the woods! Your Ga flew to Philadelphia last week, and we (Susan, Craig, Jack, Alex, Ga & Blue) drove to the family lake cottage near Scranton where we met Grammy & Grampy (aka, my mom & dad).  Packing for this adventure was quite the feat: you're currently on a blend of pumped breastmilk & formula (which I insist be made with filtered water), and eat a various combinations of  baby oatmeal, Greek yogurt, baby food, Cheerios, and Gerber baby puffs.  You spend your days crawling, in playpens, bouncers, highchairs, car-seats, and baby carriers.  You go through several outfits a day plus bibs, socks, diapers and pacifiers which are suited for various occasions. You require baths and toys and lullabies, and not a thing was forgotten.  In short, try not mock your Mom's anal retentive lists when you're older, as it's part of the reason you survived your twin-hood!

On a more sentimental note, growing up, my “Mom-mom and Pop-pop’s” cottage in the Poconos was my favorite place in the world. As my dad/your “Grampy” was career Army, we were always moving (Virginia to Albany to Germany to West Point to Kansas to Albany to West Point…) and this was the one, permanent place in my childhood. 

As a little girl, I remember spending summers there with my mom and brothers when we lived in Germany, and visits every summer since then.  When I was doing my graduate work in Binghamton, your dad and I would visit my Mom-mom & Pop-pop at least once a month where she taught me what it meant to be a hostess (as meals and beverages miraculously appeared and disappeared) and we took many long walks along the neighboring dirt roads.  I lived with them my last months of teaching at SUNY (before joining your dad in Philadelphia) and I lived there solitarily for part of the summer of 2011 to finish my dissertation.  Mom-mom passed away in 2008 and Pop-pop is in a retirement home, but they will always be present at the beautiful haven they built along Stern’s lake.

Last Saturday, when you were being watched over by your dad and grandparents, I took a gentle walk along familiar dusty lanes and was tempted to tell my Mom-mom all of my worries and plans and how I am enamored with motherhood.  I miss her often, but it helps that 1/8 of who you are is thanks to her and this will continue long after me!

Our June visit was a bit chilly, and it rained, but you both liked looking out over the lake, Alex even spotting a deer across the waters through the den window.  Good eye little man! Jack seemed more enlivened by our walks (with each of you strapped to a parent) while Alex was MUCH more comfortable in the rowboat than his twin.  Jack, I tried to hand you to your father for a picture of you  in your blue lifevest, and you wailed, as if to say, “If I’m going to be in this contraption against my will, I demand to be held by my mother!”  We will see if you’re more interested in the canoe next visit!

LESSON #3: Treasure this place and embrace it as a part of your own history.  Enjoy time with no computers, poor cell reception and no cable.  I hope you always delight in watching a dog sprint leash-less down the dirt driveway, feeling the grass on your bare feet, and studying the leaves being tickled by the wind—you did this visit!

The Three Week Stretch

My Dearest Little Men,

I’d planned on writing to you every week and it’s been well over a month now since we visited St. Louis! Much has happened, the highlight being your Uncle Kyle’s 30^th birthday in April and an extended visit with him and your Aunt Jacqueline.  Your dad grilled steaks for Kyle’ nearly 20 guests and your multi-talented Aunt put on a beautiful event replete with twinkling lights encircling the sunroom, beer labels featuring your Uncle Kyle's “mug”, and a giant “30” adorned the glass doors, completely made up of black and white photos of your uncle throughout the years. I think I’ll need her expertise when planning your first birthday party…

Currently your mom is in “survival mode” with five sections of two courses and your dad finishing up his THIRD (yes, third!) consecutive week of training in Frederick, Maryland. For the first week, your “Uncle David” (who is currently on a plane to England), Aunt Nada, and Aunt Andi saw me through evenings and nights, and David even took over for the day your nanny was off (book-ended by two night shifts!).

Our family of four made our trip to Erie, where you spent your first night away from your mother while she and your dad attended a wedding in Buffalo and stayed in a hotel there.  Jack, you stinker, you sat up on your own for the first time within hours after we left.  There’s a video your “Gram” filmed of you repeating this feat; in the background you can hear me interrogating your “Grampy” for details. 

We “kidnapped” Grampy and this is week two of his stay with us and he’s heroically been handling nights so your mother can formulate words when she teaches her English classes.  Tomorrow your nanny is off again and your weary mother and grandfather will split the day.  We love you SOOO much—but as adults reflecting, you’ll realize that finals week plus double the bottles, diapers, boo boos, and spit ups can be momentarily overwhelming.  Plus you, my precocious Alexander, started crawling on Saturday!  I’m forever grateful that you did this for the first time when your mom was here… it eases the guilt of leaving you both from 7am-3pm, Monday-Friday, to teach.  I love what I do, and feel that it’s important, but I miss you to the point it sometimes hurts.  But come May 25 you’re both all mine for 6 weeks!

LESSON #2: What lesson can I leave you with at the end of this post? Realize, and never take for granted, how much you are loved! Not only by me and your dad, but Aunt Jacqueline, who repeatedly rocked you to sleep Jack, and Uncle Kyle, who played the guitar to see you smile Alex, even he was perhaps not feeling musically inclined at the moment.  While your parents glided up to Buffalo, your Gram juggled you both single-handedly while meeting with her quilting group (and didn't complain about double dirty diapers and spit-ups in less than an hour). And while your mom caught one last half our of sleep, your bleary eyed grandfather kept you company in the nursery. Aunt Nada stayed up through the AM’s studying for her first CPA exam because she spent too many of her evenings here helping your mom through bedtime and Andi gave up any chance of solitary down time after a full day’s work to play with you in the sunroom or backyard.  We are all lucky poor David not only has a generous heart, but is in his 20s, as your mom and dad would not have had the fortitude to survive two solitary night shifts surrounding a full day of twin-dom! Know that you’re lucky and cared for and pay it forward when you have the chance my boys.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AplrlrWz2hQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9gh7Sg98f0

Your first trip to St Louis.

My Dear Sons,
I have a baby book for you. I write in it infrequently. But hopefully, every week or so, I can update this blog with news, pictures, and advice so one day you can look back and see what our world was like when you two first became a part of it.

This week you rode in your first airplane! We flew to St. Louis--two parents and two babies. For being only five months old, you traveled like champions! Jack, you fussed for 10 minutes of the 2 1/2 hour flight there. A nervous flyer in front of us, with the face of an overweight hobbit, deigned to give you a dirty look. But one glance from you dad shut down any complaint that was forthcoming.

I think the trip meant a great deal to your great-grandmother ("Ga") who couldn't get enough of you both. When your dad and I were about to crack from the baby stress (unfortunately neither of you took to sleeping in a new place or in strange cribs), Ga fed you, held you, bounced you, and even did a little jig for Alex as he fussed in his doorway-bouncer. On this trip you met Ga's church group, your "great aunts" Harriet and Cele, and my close friend from grad school, Liana, who drove in from Kansas City with her daughter Elena just to meet you.  It makes my heart smile to see you giggling and interacting with the people closest to me and you dad!

You were angels on the flight back. Your dad had the bright idea of putting Alex in a front carrier, which left him hands free for the flight. (I glanced over to see him playing a mean game of Angry Birds). But sadly, Alex, you peed on him as he waited on the cold, windy runway for the stroller. Your Aunt Nada was extremely proud!

LESSON #1: Boys, remember when you grow up to help out parents (especially single parents) travelling with kids and don't complain about crying infants and children. Be gracious to families travelling as chances are they aren't having very much fun either!